Today is friday like any other common friday of any month of a random upcoming year on this earth. Alone in the office and failing in my attempt of studying to finish (and maybe... start) that essay of history I've been procrastinating on since wednesday, failing because and only because tonight is friday and friday just as sundays depress the heck out of me. Why? Memories of the past, maybe, or the sole thinking that not even my dog waits happily for me, that the only thing this weekend (as every other weekends) brings to me is the gullible hope of getting 2 more hours of sleep (hours that I will lost the night before, but something is something).
I dont know when I began to feel like inside of a crystal box, affraid to rise my voice so I wont break the delicate order of everything around me, choking, asfixiating in a routine I dont really like but that I keep anyways because is confortable and seems to work for everyone else, office, school, write, read and text till I fall asleep and my eyes hurt every night. Confortable because I know theres nothing to expect. Because my phone wont ring with a sudden invitation to the latest dance club, because my agenda wont include cosmopolitans, confessions in a dark bar, or over a pink blanket, prohibited kisses filled with the sweet taste of guilt in a bathroom, no, my nights wont have any of that, maybe thats why I read so much, to live life through characters, because Ive come to the conclusion that there are two different kind of people in this life: the ones that are picked and the ones that pick.And no matter how hard I tried in the past I could never picked, I was picked to specific characters in theather, picked to debate specific themes, I was picked for ex lovers in the past,like if everyone got to choose over my life but me.
But once again is friday, and maybe Im overreacting.
Or maybe Im just lonely. I try not to complain that much so I wont sound desperate but I do. I feel lonely, surrounded by people that insists in challeging my patience with their vulgar and common existences, people who wont see beyond their noses, who wont criticize world, and just accept like a requirement of destiny the life they had to live. No, I dont feel like smiling tonight, because Im about to go to a class where I will be called antisocial more than once, because I know I will be judged because the mass will hate everyone with a minimun of superiority with the hability of standing out.
In the matters of heart. Hmm, people ping me asking me about that, I dont know if the infinite and dramatic mess called my love life amuses so many people, but given the lack of sentimental attempts lately, that type of questions has stopped in a considerable way because, to set the record straight, Im alone, alone because Im picky, because I wont set for less and because some things cannot be forced and nature cannot be changed (and it sucks :P ). So please dont write and say how great and a beautifull person am I, and how one day The One will come and we will go in a white horse rinding to the sunset because that wont happen, and dont ask me again why Im single.
But once again, its friday night, so everything written here might be just an overreaction...
Starfish*
Soundtrack: ''In a sentimental mood'', a classic, by John Coltrain and Duke Ellington
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