Friday, August 06, 2010

saints and guilts

Amy Winehouse said it first... ''the guilt will kill you, if she dont first''.

I wish I could go one day without dealing with guilt and thoughts that do not help me at all. Toughts of my property and from any other random stranger (or not so stranger) who decides to walk next to me. At least Im not drinking…

I look back to a recent past and I know for sure I don’t want to repeat past mistakes, the type of mistakes that which lead me to cigarette burns, tears on the floor and half a million undelivered letters, Im ‘‘mature’’ enough to know that by this time I should have been a thousand miles away, or playing it cool with my fellas, but I guess that’s where all the problem is located. Im not a cool kitty, I have 3 to 5 existencial crisis a day, I could drive the sanest human being to the most absolutely misery just with the power of my words, and if I don’t get this, at least Im able to say that I can appear like a really unstable woman when it comes to emotions.

Maybe I should run away even from myself for a couple of days, only until I gain back some of the sense of control Ive lost during this unholy war…

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